Need to workout today!

I am exhausted. Probably from my cold.

I'm getting ready to do my workout!

Ahh ZZZZZ

Just wanted to let you know that I slept GREAT last night. And I felt wonderful today and had a good eating day and GREAT workout. See? I told you sleep is crucial for my success. I'm such a wimp for sleep.

Interview with Myself

Hi Y'all,

Yeah it has been a while. So how is it going?

• How is Tony's plan (my trainer)? My experience is it is teeth-gritting hard. Very difficult.
• Have I lost any weight? 2.5 lbs. Yeah! 2 lb was the first week though.
• Where am I going? I will drop two more pounds by June 1st.
• I had pizza today.
• I slept like crap last night and that kills my mental game and TOTALLY screws up my appetite. I never realized how much lack of sleep makes me crazy hungry for junk until today (see previous bullet). I am seeing a pattern. Sleep is Crucial for my success.
• I feel like crap today because I slept like crap last night.
• I like the bullet format.
• I pray I can get some sleep tonight.

Small Victories and Consistency

I have been having some small victories with my eating and exercising. Meaning that I have done a few things right. Today I cooked up some asparagus. I have also been hitting the water hard. Things like that.

I decided to hire Tony DiCostanzo of Dreambodies BTS. I am excited but also nervous about starting with him. I think I will enjoy working with him. I listened to his first radio program with Stacey yesterday! One thing he said that stuck out for me was that you can't change the past but you can change the next 10 or 15 minutes or something to that effect. So after the program I DID change the next 10 or 15 minutes. I walked the dog, pre-cooked my breakfast and got ready for the next day. It turned out to be a very nice evening.

I have had some success in the past but I have these relapses where I basically just "give up." Not just on eating healthy or exercising but on other goals as well. Like one of my goals was to eat a sit-down family meal at least 4x per week at the table. I did very well on this for weeks and weeks and then the last 3 weeks or 4 weeks nothin. It is awful. I actually wonder if I get depressed (as in clinically depressed) and just give up. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it and I mess up so often and forget things and I think my family doesn't care (but then I think they do), so again, "What is the point." I can't garden because I forget to water regularly, I can't stay organized because I don't keep up on filing, etc. I even stopped reading with my daughter on a regular basis over that last several months and now her reading is "below grade level"! See what I mean??

The missing key to my success (in many areas of my life) seems to be a need for consistency. But so far I have not been able to achieve that. It will help to have some help (Tony) because 1) I won't have to plan, analyse and come up with diets / workouts and that will be a relief and 2) It will take some of the pressure off of me. Maybe he can help me with this.

I hope I can do it.

(Now I BET I won't write in this blog for a long, long time because I can't be consistent. It just doesn't seem to be in me!)

Update

OK. Since my last post I have just been coasting along. Well that is not exactly accurate. I have actually been eating a LOT of crap. I guess it is that "all or nothing thinking." Anyway I've thought quite a few times of just trying again to eat healthy. What stops me is I think, "What is the point? I don't look any different and I never get anywhere." So after a lot of thought, I have decided to hire a personal trainer to tell me exactly what to do and exactly what to eat. I resisted this for a long time, cause I like to do my own thang! But I have gotton nowhere. This way, I don't feel like I'm doing it all by myself. Anyway we will see how it goes. I haven't started yet.Lots of other things going on in my life (just the normal routine of life). I sometimes think of writing about other topics besides dieting and exercising because that gets old sometimes! But this is mostly supposed to be a fitness blog! Home with my sick daughter today. There, that is something different.

Blah

I haven't written since weigh in day. I've pretty much not been doing anything as far as eating right and exercising. I've been just eating whatever I feel like it and skipped quite a few workouts.

I usually get very de-motivated when I try to diet and exercise but I don't see the results. I think what is the point?

I am still considering hiring a personal trainer but I have to get my head in the right place and be ready to to the work. It is daunting. I seem so busy with everything I don't know how to fit more in. But I also know that I am probably MORE productive when I am busy.

Right now I am just not sure where I want to go and which way I want to go. My mind just goes in circles.

Weigh in Day

Well I weighed today. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. The suspense was killing me. I am the same weight as when I started 25 days ago. No loss, no gain. Frankly I am really surprised. I thought I would lose at least a pound, but nothing.

Well I am disappointed and of course it is a blow to my motivation. I'm not sure what I want to do. I could continue with my dieting and exercise program that I have now, but do I really want to do that if I see no results. Seems kind of silly. Sweating on a treadmill and hobbling around after a hard leg day with weights and looking in the mirror and seeing no change.

I not sure that I am willing to work any harder than I am right now. I am exercising about 4 hours a week and basically eating NO desserts and trying to eat 5 small balanced meals of protein, fat and carbs per day. Obviously I need to eat less and move more but I really don't have time to exercise more and frankly I felt pretty hungry these last 25 days so I don't think I could eat LESS and still function at my job and take care of my kids etc. So I'm considering resigning myself to the fact that my size and shape is what it is and I should just get used to it. I'm almost 40 and I guess what everybody says about it getting hard to look decent when you're older might me correct. I find it hard to accept because I see other people have success but I really gave it my all for 25 days and nothing! I don't kwow what else I can do.

That's all for now. I'll post again soon.