The VALUE of it

I only have a few moments. Just a quick note to let you know where I am at. I am really having a hard time finding the motivation to lose more weight. I can't connect it to a VALUE that I hold high. I mean I don't need to lose weight for the health of it, (I don't have high blood pressure or anything like that). So it is purely an aesthetic thing for me, which seems kind of shallow to me, which demotivates me.

So right now I am not making progress.

But the funny thing is I don't think I want to go back completely to the way I was eating before. I crave lean meat and vegetables more now than I ever did. Tonight I got Burger King for my family but I reheated some leftover lean pork, veges and had an apple and I can honestly say that BK food was NOT appetizing to me AT ALL and my veges tasted DELICIOUS! What's up with that! But then I had some ice cream which ALSO tasted delicious. So you see I still have issues.

I want to get a lean body but I feel so self-centered and superficial sometimes when I'm in the middle of the process of going after it.

OR am I just making excuses for myself so that I don't have to have the discipline. I don't know. . . .

A Strong September

I traditionally have always loved fall. I wanted to get married in the month of September (but facilities dictated we do it in October, which worked too:). Maybe the reason that I like fall is that I feel strong. I'm just coming off of summer where there has been lots of sun, fresh fruits and veges and lots of outdoor activity! And there is also the promise of learning something new with school starting. Even when you are no longer in school, the memory is there. And even though the weather starts to cool off, I can still enjoy being outside well into November.

All that being said, (up until very recently this week) I have not been "feeling the love" so to speak this year about fall. The last two years, it has just been downright depressing. The pool closing, etc. I have NEVER been like that! What is up with that?!

Anyway, I wish I could "get" in the mood for fall. I guess I am just too focused on summer ending rather than fall starting. I also think that part of the reason I am "down" is I have been watching too much damn news!! Ugh! It is sooo depressing. I am declaring a "fast" from the news, no Today show and no evening news! I just can't stand it anymore. Seriously since I've skipped watching the evening news the last few evenings, I AM actually feeling better. Amazing.

P.S. "Tip of the Week"

Keep your tuna in your refridgerator rather than the cupboard. That way, it is already chilled when you want to eat it. I can't believe it has taken me all these YEARS to come up with this idea! :) But my Dad always says, "Better to be a slow learner than a no learner!" Ha.

Tuesday

I wonder if I am going through perimenopause or something. I get hot and then cold and hot and cold. And now, I have cramps but no period (it is due any day now) and that NEVER happens. I hardly get cramps but when I do, it is WITH my period. I am only 38 but it sure seems like something hormonal is happening. My skin is drier than ever, EXCEPT my face and neck, which is more oily than normal (By the end of the day, my hair starts to get greasy from laying on my face and neck). The oily face is bugging the crap out of me. I NEVER had that, even as a teenager. It is like I am going through teenage stage again or something. And my sex drive is UP! (Husband likes that!) All this is driving me crazy. I’m only 38, for goodness sake!

Well I had a good eating day yesterday and today so far. I’m back at it, eating clean and it does feel good! I did a very light workout yesterday because I’ve been fighting a migrane off since Sunday and heavy weight training and migranes DON’T MIX. I finally had to break down and take some medicine for it last night at 1:00 am.

I weighted Monday just to see how bad the damage is. Uh, 116.5. Up from 112.0. That is like a 4.5 gain over like 2 weeks or something. It’s so bad I almost just laughed. Almost. I have no excuse. I feel like I’ve let everyone down in blog land. Here I am giving tips and I can’t even get myself straight.

Sometimes I do wish I could have Tony back. But not for now. Anyway I am home today. There is ice cream in the house. Sigh. I don’t think I will be having any. I’m feeling pretty good and I need to give my body what it deserves, good food, not junk!

P. S. And I am feeling better about my "spiritual crisis" that I was going through! Whew!

Feeling Better

Well I'm feeling better. I'm thinking that it is O.K. for me to ask questions. I debated whether to post that last post but it is my blog so I wrote it!

I am not binge eating anymore. Just normal (but not clean) eating. Which is an improvement, but not really good yet.

So time for another Tip of the Week:

Take 10. Ten minutes, that is. Or 15 or and hour or whatever you feel that you want to do and just focus on being with your loved ones (regardless of their response to you or lack thereof ). In my case, I am specifically referring to when I do this with my kids. I'm so busy yelling at them or bossing them around (clean up your room!) that I need to do more of just being with them. What does this have to do with fitness? Well for me, it gives me permission to just sit down once in a while and just "be" (and enjoy) with my kids. Or just play with them. It helps reduce stress and helps me to not just focus on myself and my fitness goals. Also, (but this is not the main reason I do it) is that I don't feel as bad taking time out for myself to exercise if I know I am making time for them too. Sometimes we get so busy, we need to take (I mean make) time for them too!

My 6 yo daughter just came downstairs where I am typing and said, "Is it time to exercise yet? Cause I'm ready!" Gotta go.

Non Fitness Stuff

I seem to be going through a spiritual crisis.

Regarding trusting God. In relation to trusting God with my most "treasured possessions", which are actually not possessions at all, that is, my family. Also in questioning what is true vs. what is a lie (as in Christianity vs. Islam vs. Judiasm). And questioning the logic of God. You know, the big stuff, heavy stuff. (Leave it to me. Some people have accused me of taking life entirely too seriously. They might just be right, ya think?)

. . . . . . . . which of course leaves me exhausted and with the realization that questioning the logic of God is insane since the odds of me and my human mental capabilities understanding the logic of God are worse than say, ant vs. ocean.

. . . . . . which leads me to the issue of trusting God, having faith and believing even though/if/in spite of I don't "know" everthing.

. . . . . . which is where I started.

It is enough to drive a person crazy!

So I've got nothing to write about on fitness right now because my brain is preoccupied. Seriously preoccupied.

Ah, here is something fitness related;

Except that this spiritual crisis is causing me stress, anxiety, mild depression and occasionally sheer panic.

Which I am coping by using food and eating out of panic. I won't even admit how terrible my eating has been. I saw the term, "Anxiety binge eating" in an ad today. Yep that about sums it up.

This spiritual crisis started out as frustration over unanswered prayer for my unbelieving husband and turned into an issue with me. (my unbelief).

Which is so like God, ya know? "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5

Finding New Ways to Kill Myself at the Gym

Blame it on the Olympics. All those competitors pushing themselves. The stories of sacrifice. The victory waves as the music plays . . . .

Me: (skipping into the gym)

Yes cardio today. Intervals to be exact.

Here is what I did.

10 minute warmup
30 sec hard, 15 sec recovery, Repeat 20 times.
2 minutes cool down (walk)
5 minutes Steady state cardio
Stretch

The intervals are a 1:1/2 ratio of hard/easy, rather than a 1:1 or 1:2 ratio of hard/easy which a lot of interval work is. I got the idea off of some bodybuilding sites. And it kicked my butt. My face was red at the end and someone in the gym even remarked "Good run, eh?" So I must of looked tired. And Tuesday when I did the workout, I got that "hurt"chest feeling from breathing so hard! I haven't felt that way in a while. I vaguely remember that feeling from my cross country interval training days in high school! AAhh. The memories. Chest hurt. Face beet red. Good Times!

The Scale Lies

I had a good Sunday and Monday. On Sunday, I cooked lots of food. Monday, I stayed on track (even though I was home with a sick child).

The scale is no indication of progress. Remember my goal of 112.0 by this past weekend. Today the scale said 112.0 which should make me happy BUT this is not reflected in my CLOTHES. I have been over-indulging for weeks and my stomach is poofed out and my arms and legs are clearly flabbier. Why is the scale lower? Probably lost muscle (Oh no!) I was definitely LEANER at 113.0. Crazy! I am working on fixing it though. Clean eating today and a good workout.

Have a good day! What can you do in the next 10 minutes that will move you a little closer to your goals? (A Tony quote!) For me, it is "Get to Work!" (I'm at work!) So bye!

P.S. 12 weeks out to my 39th birthday . . . . . . . . sound like a challenge calling? O.K. back to work now, I promise!

Tip of the Week:
Re: Intensity during your workout. Everybody knows that you need to workout with intensity. For the Tony Diva's out there, when you print out your workouts, there is usually several pages, right? If you only HAD to do the first page would you do those exercises a little harder, with more intensity? If you could, then there is room for improvement in your intensity level. If you're not a Tony Diva, basically I am saying when working out, just take it one set at a time and focus only on that set, not your whole workout.