Fooling Myself!

I feel that I have tried the moderation in dieting in order to lose weight and I haven't been successful in losing any weight. I DO need to define WHAT "moderation" is for me. (By the way, is moderation ALWAYS a good thing? I mean if it's for a good cause, wouldn't a little extremeness be good?)

RIGHT NOW, I have pumpkin pie, whipped topping, sweet potato pie, lime party salad, Hershey's minitures, ice cream (two kinds), ice cream bars, lowcal fudcicles, and homemade chocolate peanut butter fudge IN MY HOUSE. I may be fooling myself believing THAT is moderation. THAT doen't sound like moderation to me.

It seems to me that when I think back to the brief time when I experienced some success with changing my body for the better, it took about 8 months of consistent effort. Eight (8) months. Hmmm. Eight (8) months. . . .

This challenge, I quit after not seeing progress in 1.5 months.

If I was in it for LIFE and made a lifestyle change, I wouldn't have quit.

As far as my fear of becoming extremely self-centered and unhealthy obsessive about dieting, there is always that risk. It could happen. But maybe, I should TAKE that risk. I won't know until I try. What if I make the change, take the risk and this doesn't happen. How great will that be!

And those words are subjective anyway. That makes me uncomfortable. I would rather have everybody nod their head in approval than have someone say something negative about me. Again, another risk that someone might not approve. (Actually, chances are, someone will disapprove.) Really though they only persons' opinion that I care about is mine and my husband's. He said as long as my losing weight doesn't negatively affect him (bad moods or having salad for dinner everyday) he doesn't care what I do. As long as it makes me happy. My husband says he supports me. So I shouldn't have any excuses. Maybe I AM just making excuses for myself.

Execute the Plan!

Like I said in my previous post, I haven't been eating well recently. So I have been wondering WHY I can’t EXECUTE my plan and what is stopping me.I’ve got the “Set dreams/goals” step down right. . . . . . I’ve got the “Make a plan/have accountability” step down. . . . So all that is left is the “EXECUTE THE PLAN” step. . . . . now hear the crickets chirping . . . . . I don’t mean to be funny because it isn’t funny but that is exactly what is going on with me right now.So I ask myself WHY. Am I self-sabotaging? Am I afraid? Do I feel selfish for wanting to do this? Shallow even? For me, I have come up with some possible explanations. The main one is that I DON’T VALUE losing weight enough to actually do it. The reason is because it actually goes AGAINST some of my values to lose weight. I know that sounds crazy so I will explain.I very much believe in the value of MODERATION in most things. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, but in a lot of things, (and I think eating comes in this category) practicing moderation is a valuable thing. And here’s the thing. I DON’T think that losing “those last 10 or 20 lbs” can be done with moderation in eating. I think it DOES require some “extremeness” and I struggle with that. I read the extreme things that dieters have to do to get where they want to go. I also read the article “No Turning Back” by Olesya Novik on the Muscle with Attitude site. /url=http://www.musclewithattitude.com/readArticle.do?id=1803054] That is NOT moderation. So this is a big road block for me and I haven’t been able to overcome this hurdle in my thinking.Secondly, I value the OPPOSITE of self-absorption and obsessiveness. I value serving others. I fear becoming self-absorbed and/or obsessive while dieting. I don’t think that losing “those last 10 or 20 lbs” can be done without becoming at least partially self-absorbed and somewhat obsessive and I’m not OK with that either. I also have fears. I fear slowing down my metabolism. And I actually think I fear success! I think I fear attention from men!! Honestly I get a little sick of women telling me they hate me because I not “fat” and men staring at me.So those seem to be my reasons. Going against my values of moderation and putting others first and not being obsessed with my own goals. And my fears of slowing my metabolism, fear of being the target of hate from women and gawking from men.If I could overcome these mental hurdles I think I could succeed. I think that is what is stopping me.

It's been a while

Hello internet. I am still here!!! I had a rough couple of weeks. Mainly just my husband’s job-related stress that was/is stressing me out. Also after six weeks of really trying to stick to my healthy eating and exercise, I gained about 2 pounds instead of losing any weight. So the combination of these two things really got me down. So I haven’t been eating well, exercise is hit or miss and I have not been posting.

But I am still here. My eating was good last week. Not totally up to par on what I can/should do but a MAJOR improvement. This week, well, eating is not the best so far but the week is not over yet. My exercise has been VERY GOOD last week and this. So overall I think I am coming out of my funk.

However, what I have been doing is not working for me since I have not lost any weight. Sometimes I think that I CANNOT do it (that is lose weight.) I just don’t think it is possible for me. I do not have the mental fortitude for it.

I feel too busy, like I can’t get done all the things that I want to do. And when I don’t accomplish it all, I get down about it. So I thought maybe I could use this blog to remind me of the accomplishments I DO make. Today, a person at work told me that I have accomplished so much already, a house, two kids, a PE license. BUT do I ever give myself credit for all that I do?! Most of the time the answer is NO. I just keep wanting more and more from myself!!

P.S. My husband BETTER NOT read this!!! He thinks I don’t work hard enough! So he will be rolling his eyes at this entry.

Well gotta go DO some stuff yet tonight.