Today is the Day!

Yep. I start my "I'm going to kick ass!" today.

The good.
I worked out today. I was tired. It was spitting rain. It was cold, very coold.

I went anyway. Talked myself through it the whole way - 30 min of walk/run cardio outside.

Now I feel GREAT!. More energy and less stress than I have had in days.

The bad.
I ate a few bites of fudge. This will have to stop if I want to achieve the body I want.

And the ugly!
There is really NO UGLY today. Except for a few bites of fudge(which is bad, but not ugly), I'm OK.

Anyway, today is the day. I want to make some serious progress in January.

Syndromes and Fat Marks

I am sick of "waiting until a better time" to lose this weight but I just seem so busy right now that I don't know how to get my head into it right now. I feel like I don't know where to start. What do I change first? Should I do it all at once (all or nothing) or should I gradually eat healthier? If I do it "gradually" what if it doesn't work? And on and on . . . So . . . as you can see, I am stuck in "analysis paralysis" and the "I'll do it tomorrow" and "I'm just too busy right now" excuse syndromes. Meanwhile the waist in my pants is making red indentation marks on my belly. I had a perfect round button mark (thread holes and all) just left of my belly button yesterday! Yeah! (NOT!!!)

As someone once called it, an "opportunity-wasting under-achiever." Yep that pretty much sums it up!

Check In

Yes. I need to check in! It has been too long since I have blogged. I haven't been able to think of what to write. It is not as easy to blog as it seems. So . . . what to write about.

On the fitness front . . . . I am waiting . . . until the new year to start again. I am just so busy with Christmas stuff right now that it is hard to find the time to eat right. Also, I ordered Precision Nutrition. I am looking for a nutrition plan that will make me feel good and one that I can live with! I've been trying to follow PN but without actually buying it (I'm too cheap!). But that was not working so I just ordered it. I am happy with it so far.

Other news . . . . This time of year I get all these ideas of things I'd like to do and accomplish. But then I get discouraged quickly because I don't feel like I have time to do any of them. Ugh! So I'm going crazy with that right now . . . . I do NOT WANT to become one of those people who make new year's resolutions and then don't keep them. Please . . . don't let me become one of them!

Fooling Myself!

I feel that I have tried the moderation in dieting in order to lose weight and I haven't been successful in losing any weight. I DO need to define WHAT "moderation" is for me. (By the way, is moderation ALWAYS a good thing? I mean if it's for a good cause, wouldn't a little extremeness be good?)

RIGHT NOW, I have pumpkin pie, whipped topping, sweet potato pie, lime party salad, Hershey's minitures, ice cream (two kinds), ice cream bars, lowcal fudcicles, and homemade chocolate peanut butter fudge IN MY HOUSE. I may be fooling myself believing THAT is moderation. THAT doen't sound like moderation to me.

It seems to me that when I think back to the brief time when I experienced some success with changing my body for the better, it took about 8 months of consistent effort. Eight (8) months. Hmmm. Eight (8) months. . . .

This challenge, I quit after not seeing progress in 1.5 months.

If I was in it for LIFE and made a lifestyle change, I wouldn't have quit.

As far as my fear of becoming extremely self-centered and unhealthy obsessive about dieting, there is always that risk. It could happen. But maybe, I should TAKE that risk. I won't know until I try. What if I make the change, take the risk and this doesn't happen. How great will that be!

And those words are subjective anyway. That makes me uncomfortable. I would rather have everybody nod their head in approval than have someone say something negative about me. Again, another risk that someone might not approve. (Actually, chances are, someone will disapprove.) Really though they only persons' opinion that I care about is mine and my husband's. He said as long as my losing weight doesn't negatively affect him (bad moods or having salad for dinner everyday) he doesn't care what I do. As long as it makes me happy. My husband says he supports me. So I shouldn't have any excuses. Maybe I AM just making excuses for myself.

Execute the Plan!

Like I said in my previous post, I haven't been eating well recently. So I have been wondering WHY I can’t EXECUTE my plan and what is stopping me.I’ve got the “Set dreams/goals” step down right. . . . . . I’ve got the “Make a plan/have accountability” step down. . . . So all that is left is the “EXECUTE THE PLAN” step. . . . . now hear the crickets chirping . . . . . I don’t mean to be funny because it isn’t funny but that is exactly what is going on with me right now.So I ask myself WHY. Am I self-sabotaging? Am I afraid? Do I feel selfish for wanting to do this? Shallow even? For me, I have come up with some possible explanations. The main one is that I DON’T VALUE losing weight enough to actually do it. The reason is because it actually goes AGAINST some of my values to lose weight. I know that sounds crazy so I will explain.I very much believe in the value of MODERATION in most things. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, but in a lot of things, (and I think eating comes in this category) practicing moderation is a valuable thing. And here’s the thing. I DON’T think that losing “those last 10 or 20 lbs” can be done with moderation in eating. I think it DOES require some “extremeness” and I struggle with that. I read the extreme things that dieters have to do to get where they want to go. I also read the article “No Turning Back” by Olesya Novik on the Muscle with Attitude site. /url=http://www.musclewithattitude.com/readArticle.do?id=1803054] That is NOT moderation. So this is a big road block for me and I haven’t been able to overcome this hurdle in my thinking.Secondly, I value the OPPOSITE of self-absorption and obsessiveness. I value serving others. I fear becoming self-absorbed and/or obsessive while dieting. I don’t think that losing “those last 10 or 20 lbs” can be done without becoming at least partially self-absorbed and somewhat obsessive and I’m not OK with that either. I also have fears. I fear slowing down my metabolism. And I actually think I fear success! I think I fear attention from men!! Honestly I get a little sick of women telling me they hate me because I not “fat” and men staring at me.So those seem to be my reasons. Going against my values of moderation and putting others first and not being obsessed with my own goals. And my fears of slowing my metabolism, fear of being the target of hate from women and gawking from men.If I could overcome these mental hurdles I think I could succeed. I think that is what is stopping me.

It's been a while

Hello internet. I am still here!!! I had a rough couple of weeks. Mainly just my husband’s job-related stress that was/is stressing me out. Also after six weeks of really trying to stick to my healthy eating and exercise, I gained about 2 pounds instead of losing any weight. So the combination of these two things really got me down. So I haven’t been eating well, exercise is hit or miss and I have not been posting.

But I am still here. My eating was good last week. Not totally up to par on what I can/should do but a MAJOR improvement. This week, well, eating is not the best so far but the week is not over yet. My exercise has been VERY GOOD last week and this. So overall I think I am coming out of my funk.

However, what I have been doing is not working for me since I have not lost any weight. Sometimes I think that I CANNOT do it (that is lose weight.) I just don’t think it is possible for me. I do not have the mental fortitude for it.

I feel too busy, like I can’t get done all the things that I want to do. And when I don’t accomplish it all, I get down about it. So I thought maybe I could use this blog to remind me of the accomplishments I DO make. Today, a person at work told me that I have accomplished so much already, a house, two kids, a PE license. BUT do I ever give myself credit for all that I do?! Most of the time the answer is NO. I just keep wanting more and more from myself!!

P.S. My husband BETTER NOT read this!!! He thinks I don’t work hard enough! So he will be rolling his eyes at this entry.

Well gotta go DO some stuff yet tonight.

Stats for Week

Hello all! Well I DIDN’T UNDO all my hard work this weekend, so that is a plus! I did have pizza this weekend and some chocolate, but it certainly wasn’t an all-out blowout like I have done in the past. I lost the 1.5 pounds that I gained so I am back at my starting weight. Now I just need to continue going DOWN so I can make some progress. My stats so far for measurements are:

Week 2 Week 4 (from Start)
Chest -1.0” +0.125”
Waist -0.25” -0.5”
Hips +0.375” no change

My measurements are all over the place. Some of the difference in the chest measurement is being inconsistent how I measure, I think.

I feel fat today, but I don’t know why because I ate pretty good today. I had two Andes chocolates that I shouldn’t have, daggonit!

My eating compliance was 89% last week, 31 out of 35 meals. This is my best record yet. Now if I can just keep it up!

Here’s a funny muscle failure story. I did my weight workout tonight. The first superset was incline bench press supersetted with dips supersetted with pushups, no rest between exercises. Well I get to my pushups and I’m pumping away and bam! my arms completely gave out!. But I didn’t feel it coming! My arms gave out and I went splat on my forehead on the mat! Hope nobody was watching!

I need to meet my goals for this week!

Check In

Well, here are my stats for the week.

25 out of 35 meals on plan for a 71% compliance. Which is very bad. I think what happened this week was I was VERY discouraged from gaining 2 lbs last week after working so hard on eating right and exercising. So I SERIOUSLY lost my momentem and gave up.

I completed 4 out of 6 workouts.

Basically I am never going to lose weight if I don't do better than that.

I am down one pound from last week, so a net gain of one pound since I started my challenge 4 weeks ago.

That's about it. Try, try again.

Goals for Weeks 4,5 and 6

Hey! My new goals for weeks 4, 5 and 6;
1. 90% compliance for eating
2. 5 to 6 workouts per week
3. 6 servings of fruits/veges per day
4. 32 oz water during work day
5. get to bed 9:45 most nights
6. Lose inches!!!
7. Keep non-structured activity UP! (Goal is 180 min./week)

Confused

Well here is my update.

My eating compliance goal for this week was 85%. I made 83%. Not quite my goal but still very good. I am fairly pleased. I get close and than I sabatoge myself at the end of the week when I am almost there. Anyway. Exercise is also good. I made 5 of the 6 scheduled workouts.

Here is the confusing part. 3 weeks into my challenge I have GAINED 2 POUNDS. That is A LOT for me. The only time I have ever gained like that was when I was pregnant:) Seriously!
Needless to say I am NOT happy about that. I am supposed to go the other way. I suppose it could be muscle but I really don't know. My bust and my waist measurements are down 1.25 inches (sum total) but my hips, thighs and bicep are up in measurements 1.125 inches (sum total). So some measurements are up and some are down. Kind of a wash.

So where do I go from here. Do I change something or keep with the program. My gut feeling is to give it a couple more weeks. I know I am eating healthier than I have been so that is a plus.

Well I's like to write more but I have to go cook dinner now. I will check in later.

GOALS for this week: 90% compliance with my eating, at least 5 workouts (6 if I feel up to it but optional)

77

77 percent compliance. 27 out 35 meals were on the plan. I missed making my 80 percent goal this week by one meal. Oh well. I missed one workout this week because I felt that I needed the rest. I think I made the right choice on that.

My official weigh in after two weeks on my personal challenge to lose 10.5 lb is +0.3 lb gained, no loss. Yikes. Not good.

I plan to make 85 percent compliance this week with my eating (I am working my way up to 90 percent, can you tell?) and complete all of my workouts. In order to complete my workouts, I need to make getting enough sleep a PRIORITY. I just get too run down if I don't get my sleep.

Onward and upward I go!

Disappointed and Mad as H#ll

I'm checking in to say that I am doing well following my plan. I am 11 days into it. I have gained 0.5 lb. I don't know why. I don't feel like I am overeating at all so I don't understand. I DO feel very stressed. I can almost feel the cortisol running through my body! OK, so that is an exageration but that is sort of how I feel. Basically I am VERY disappointed that I have not lost anything so far. I feel like SCREAMING becasue I am SO mad that I haven't lost. I need to focus on going to bed early and getting enough sleep.

I will do 80!

Last week, my nutrition compliance was about 72% and my exercise compliance was 100%. This "compliance" is based on the PN compliance grid.

I WILL do AT LEAST 80% compliance for my nutrition THIS week!!!

Week One

I gained a little bit during my first week.

Picture

No loss yet!

9/6/07 “PN Body Transformation Challenge”
Current Weight = 113.5
Goal Weight: 103 lb

Well I am five days into it. I have not lost any weight yet. This is not surprising since it has only been 5 days but it is also disappointing nevertheless. I am starving today!

Starting AGAIN!

9/5/07 “PN Body Transformation Challenge”
Current Weight = 113.5
Goal Weight: 103 lb

Starting AGAIN!

Hello

Hello to my new blog readers.
I created this blog to track my fitness goals and accomplishments.