Motivation

Laura (http://mamameltdown.blogspot.com/) wrote an excellent blog about motivation!

In the past, as a child, a teenager, college student and young adult, I have always been very internally self-motivated. Unfortunately for me, several years ago, somewhere in my middle adulthood I slowly began to lose my motivation.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 says "But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good." Unfortunately that is EXACTLY where I am at. I am tired of "doing good." And I have lost my motivation, not just in fitness and health (ironically just when I need it the most! I turn 40 this year) but I have lost motivation in most all areas of life. Job, finances, home, fitness, etc.

Fortunately I recognize my need to get it back.

How or why this happened I really don't know for sure. I could guess. Maybe it is a pride thing. If someone is not patting me on the back saying what a good job I am doing, I don't want to do it. Funny though, I never needed approval before so I'm not sure that is it. Maybe it is a character test for me; What do I do when no one is watching? Do I eat right even when no one but me cares? Do I go the extra mile at work when there is no tangible reward? Perhaps that is it. Maybe it is an attack by devil to get me to give up, give in, let go of my standards. "No one cares, so why should you?" he says. (I hear that question constantly in my head.) Or perhaps I don't spend enough time with like-minded self-motivated optimistic-type individuals. That is very probable!:)

But maybe the hows and whys this has happened are not important. Which brings me to Laura's blog about motivation. She says that rather than waiting to be pulled by motivation, be the push of motivation. Awesome. I don't need to figure out the why, I need to just Do. Her quote at the end is excellent. "What you want to be eventually you must be every day."

So for the rest of my life starting with the next 10 weeks,
. . . . . . .
I commit to eating healthy,
I commit to losing 10 pounds (this may take longer than 10 weeks)
I commit to exercising at least 4 days a week,
I commit to feeding my family healthy dinners at least 4 days a week,
I commit to walking my dog at least 3 days a week,
I commit to not overspending at the grocery store,
I commit to being a more patient and "present in the moment" mother,
I commit to not letting the kid's whining, the pressure of time, dissappointments in myself and others, or discontentment with my perceived progress lead me to overeating,
I commit to never giving up and not letting the haters, the doubters, they naysayers and pessimists win!

It is worth it and it does count, even if it only counts for me.

Feeling Good but Getting Fat

Yes, I do mean I'm getting fat. Wow.

I am fully recovered from being sick. I am actually feeling great. And I have been working out again. I would like to do more running so I am working up to a continuous 30 minutes of running. The race that I wanted to run in at the end of May, I don't think I have enough time to train for. But I am still training.

But my eating is atrocious right now. I am eating everything in site. A lots of sweets. I actually bought a full sugar soda the other day. I haven't drank non-diet soda in probably years. It's like I don't care right now. My problem is I definitely have an all or nothing attitude. If I can't be perfect in my diet or I don't have the perfect body, I go completely in the other direction. And I just give up completely. It is so the wrong attitude. I have seen where eating at least semi-healthy DOES help me not get super fat, it just doesn't get me the perfect fit dream body that I desire. The only way to get my super body (which I've never achieved yet but got very close) is to be really strict with my eating, which I am not interested in. But I could eat semi-healthy and have a semi-healthy body and a semi-dream body, which frankly a semi-dream body appeals to me right now because my squishy, buldging belly body right now is hard to move in. I'm WISHING I had the body that I was UNHAPPY with a year ago. It wasn't as bad as I have now. It is actually VERY UNCOMFORTABLE moving around in my body right now. It feels weird to have the extra flab where there was none before.

Hanging in there

Hello. I have still been sick. I am over my pnumonia but I still have chest pain, shortness of breath and fatigue. My doctor thinks it will just take time. But I am going to a lung specialist next week. I haven't exercised since the end of January. I don't have energy to get through my regular day let alone exercise. I lost 9 pounds being sick but I am holding steady with my weight now. I actually don't want to lose any more weight because it is due to being sick and is not healthy weight loss. So I am happy that I am not losing any more right now.

I'm hanging in there. But it has been a long road. So I will see what next week brings.

Pnumonia

Finally the last week in January, I got my act together diet-wise. Also exercise was good. I didn't lose anything that last week though which frankly surprised me a little. But I was getting into the groove of things.

But then I got the flu which turned into pnumonia. So that is what I have/am recovering from right now. My lungs are still sore. I don't have any risk factors for getting pnumonia, I am not a smoker, I don't have astma, etc. So I don't know why I got it. It is kind of scary. I am feeling better but it will be a while until I can exercise. I want to have NO pain in my lungs before I exercise and I am not there yet. I lost 5.5 lbs from the flu and pnumonia. I wouldn't recommend the flu diet though. It's pretty miserable.

So much for my nice exercise plan all written down and planned out on my calendar! I'll tell you what though. Really I am thankful just to be healthy and get better. With all the horror stories I could think about, I just want to get better.

Gained a Pound

Yeah. My first week did not go very well. I am just dreading doing it. Eating healthy does get easier the longer you do it. It is just the transition, that first week where you feel like crap because you are hungry, and craving and feel weak and tired because you are eating a lot less than you used to. The good thing is that I haven't been overeating. I have been low on energy lately. I want to get my thyroid checked by my doctor but I haven't got around to it. Blah. I am just full of excuses. But I did want to be honest and check in.

I looked back on my pregancy journal from my second child. My current weight is only 5 pounds less that when I was full term pregnant. Ack! That's bad. So I really need to do something.

My workouts have been good and I am enjoying them.

Start Day!

Actually yesterday was Start Day, but I didn't get to post until today! Yes I am starting again eating right and exercising. Yesterday was a Great day. I got a good workout in and ate terrific. Today I got a good workout in and ate good until this evening. I did not eat enough during the day and I was STARVING and cooking dinner at the same time. Well I picked on things I shouldn't have picked on just because I couldn't wait until my food was cooked. It will take me a day or two to get it all worked out again.

I went to Florida for the holidays. My parents live in West Palm Beach. My whole family was there except for my one brother. It was great but I did a lot of damage food wise. At one point my mom gave me the job of unwrapping the hershey kisses for the peanut butter blossom cookies that she was making. Ack!! I ate my mom's cookies every day! That is why I didn't even want to bother starting until after the holiday. I knew a week in my Mom's house with a load of home baked goodies would be too hard.

I made a nice goal poster with all my workouts posted on it. My husband said that if I work half as hard on my diet and exercise as I did on the poster, I will be doing great! He was making fun of my goal poster:) My husband asked me if I was going to get my bikini body back by spring. I said yes! He is really giving me a hard time about my weight. He still loves me of course but he is not used to seeing me this way.

Onward and upward.
Scale weight today: 121 lb (I was 112 this past summer)

I Want Out!

I WANT OUT! Of this miserable place of overeating! Ugh. I feel so overstuffed all of the time. But yet, I don't stop. It makes no sense. I'm visiting my parents in Florida for Christmas. I'm excited, but Christmas and vacations always seem to give me migranes. This year I have both Christmas and vacation at the same time. I have a semi-headache, am extemely tired (even though I slept fine) and am nauseaous today. The reason I haven't been writing is I haven't had anything good to say and I hate when I write a post and it sounds like I'm whining! So I haven't written anything. I have literally been waiting for Jan 2nd, the day I start my new diet. It is so wrong/lame I know, waiting until the new year to start. I just want to start already. My stomach is crazy fat! But I know I'll be surrounded with goodies the next couple of weeks.

Some of my goals for next year include;
1) Staying employed!!
2) Staying out of debt!
3) Feed my family healthy food!
4) Change my eating habits FOR GOOD, forever!
5) Turn 40 in the BEST shape of my life!
6) Run some road races for FUN this year! (I've already picked out 3 or 4)
7) Become certified in personal training (just throwing that out there!) Not sure if I want this or not.