Small Victories and Consistency

I have been having some small victories with my eating and exercising. Meaning that I have done a few things right. Today I cooked up some asparagus. I have also been hitting the water hard. Things like that.

I decided to hire Tony DiCostanzo of Dreambodies BTS. I am excited but also nervous about starting with him. I think I will enjoy working with him. I listened to his first radio program with Stacey yesterday! One thing he said that stuck out for me was that you can't change the past but you can change the next 10 or 15 minutes or something to that effect. So after the program I DID change the next 10 or 15 minutes. I walked the dog, pre-cooked my breakfast and got ready for the next day. It turned out to be a very nice evening.

I have had some success in the past but I have these relapses where I basically just "give up." Not just on eating healthy or exercising but on other goals as well. Like one of my goals was to eat a sit-down family meal at least 4x per week at the table. I did very well on this for weeks and weeks and then the last 3 weeks or 4 weeks nothin. It is awful. I actually wonder if I get depressed (as in clinically depressed) and just give up. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it and I mess up so often and forget things and I think my family doesn't care (but then I think they do), so again, "What is the point." I can't garden because I forget to water regularly, I can't stay organized because I don't keep up on filing, etc. I even stopped reading with my daughter on a regular basis over that last several months and now her reading is "below grade level"! See what I mean??

The missing key to my success (in many areas of my life) seems to be a need for consistency. But so far I have not been able to achieve that. It will help to have some help (Tony) because 1) I won't have to plan, analyse and come up with diets / workouts and that will be a relief and 2) It will take some of the pressure off of me. Maybe he can help me with this.

I hope I can do it.

(Now I BET I won't write in this blog for a long, long time because I can't be consistent. It just doesn't seem to be in me!)

Update

OK. Since my last post I have just been coasting along. Well that is not exactly accurate. I have actually been eating a LOT of crap. I guess it is that "all or nothing thinking." Anyway I've thought quite a few times of just trying again to eat healthy. What stops me is I think, "What is the point? I don't look any different and I never get anywhere." So after a lot of thought, I have decided to hire a personal trainer to tell me exactly what to do and exactly what to eat. I resisted this for a long time, cause I like to do my own thang! But I have gotton nowhere. This way, I don't feel like I'm doing it all by myself. Anyway we will see how it goes. I haven't started yet.Lots of other things going on in my life (just the normal routine of life). I sometimes think of writing about other topics besides dieting and exercising because that gets old sometimes! But this is mostly supposed to be a fitness blog! Home with my sick daughter today. There, that is something different.

Blah

I haven't written since weigh in day. I've pretty much not been doing anything as far as eating right and exercising. I've been just eating whatever I feel like it and skipped quite a few workouts.

I usually get very de-motivated when I try to diet and exercise but I don't see the results. I think what is the point?

I am still considering hiring a personal trainer but I have to get my head in the right place and be ready to to the work. It is daunting. I seem so busy with everything I don't know how to fit more in. But I also know that I am probably MORE productive when I am busy.

Right now I am just not sure where I want to go and which way I want to go. My mind just goes in circles.

Weigh in Day

Well I weighed today. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. The suspense was killing me. I am the same weight as when I started 25 days ago. No loss, no gain. Frankly I am really surprised. I thought I would lose at least a pound, but nothing.

Well I am disappointed and of course it is a blow to my motivation. I'm not sure what I want to do. I could continue with my dieting and exercise program that I have now, but do I really want to do that if I see no results. Seems kind of silly. Sweating on a treadmill and hobbling around after a hard leg day with weights and looking in the mirror and seeing no change.

I not sure that I am willing to work any harder than I am right now. I am exercising about 4 hours a week and basically eating NO desserts and trying to eat 5 small balanced meals of protein, fat and carbs per day. Obviously I need to eat less and move more but I really don't have time to exercise more and frankly I felt pretty hungry these last 25 days so I don't think I could eat LESS and still function at my job and take care of my kids etc. So I'm considering resigning myself to the fact that my size and shape is what it is and I should just get used to it. I'm almost 40 and I guess what everybody says about it getting hard to look decent when you're older might me correct. I find it hard to accept because I see other people have success but I really gave it my all for 25 days and nothing! I don't kwow what else I can do.

That's all for now. I'll post again soon.

PMS week

I'm still here. I am having a rough week this week. Mainly I am just more hungry than normal. I think it is PMS. I'm not whining, I am just aware of this problem. I never realized how I really do feel different before my period. Now I am more aware of it. This is a good thing though because when I recognize my extra hungriness, I try not to go overboard with my eating. You know what they say, being aware of the problem is half the battle. I have to admit I have been eating a few extra carbs this week. I don't think I could avoid binging on carbs if I didn't allow myself something. So I allow myself a few extra but healthy carbs to keep my sanity and my strength up.

I have not weighed yet. Next Wednesday I will. I don't know how I will take it if I haven't lost anything. I'm guessing pretty bad! Of course I flip back and forth between feeling like I am making progress and feeling like I am not getting anywhere!

No weighing in for me!

Well, I'm plugging right along, eating healthy and exercising. I think I ate too much today. It was all healthy food but probably too many calories. I was HUNGRY today so I ate. But that is my problem, eating too much. But I only ate healthy food and I never stuffed myself today.

I'm thinking about NOT weighing myself for a while. It's just too discouraging when it doesn't go down. The way I see it, if I put 100% effort into it, that means that I have done EVERYTHING I possible could to succeed. I can't do more than that. If in doing that, I still don't lose those last 10 pounds then really THERE ISN'T ANY MORE I COULD HAVE DONE and I have done all that I can do. That doesn't make me a failure because I worked to my potential.

Eat the Healthy Stuff

How am I feeling today? Hungry but bloated in the belly. Interesting combination. Actually the funny thing is that the only part of my body that I don't like is my stomach. That is where I carry all of my fat. The rest of my body looks pretty decent, actually. But it seems that I can't see the good parts of my body and be happy, only the bad. I really should get a better attitude on that.

I'm feeling pretty strong today as far as my diet resolve goes. I'm eating pretty good. I DO need to add in good food as well as cutting out the junk. Since I eat so much junk, when I take it out, I really dip my calories too low (like Brit man said). Today for instance, I had eaten breakfast, snack and lunch already and it was not yet time for my afternoon snack and I felt completely starving. This was the point in the past where I said just screw it and dove headfirst into a bowl of cereal. But this time I calmly decided that it WAS best for me to eat but I made a healthy chicken wrap (with protein) and it was actually pretty good. After I ate I felt SO much better.

I just feel like I have NO energy and I think the problem may be not eating enough GOOD healthy food. So I will try eating more healthy food.